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Submitted on
September 27, 2012
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My name is Cameron Michael but all my friends call me "Squicken". It's a mixture of "Squid" (what Mommy calls my Dad) and "Chicken" (what Daddy calls my Mommy). I was born last Tuesday the 18th, and have learned SO MUCH that I asked Dad if I could write about it here in his journal.
Dad gave me permission so here goes… my first attempt at writing. Don't judge me too harshly because I'm only a week old and I've got my hands full trying to learn stuff. For instance, eyes!!! Wow, eyes are tough to control! It's hard to focus them and move them all around. I can't really see all that well yet but I think I recognize Mom and Dad and I CERTAINLY recognize a fine nipple, which makes Dad proud. Of course, I don't have much experience with other nipples but, I have time to fix that.

I spent a few days in ICU (Mom, Dad, and I called it "jail") at the hospital because Mom ran a fever during birth and the docs said they found some indication of infection in the blood samples they took from me. I hated being in jail even though Mom and Dad came to visit me every 3 hours. Fortunately, I got out a half day early because nothing came up on the cultures they took so I was feeling pretty content about that. But then, the very next day the doctor came and got me to do my circumcision. It was actually pretty painless. The nurse was kinda cute and when she leaned over I noticed she had nice boobs, so I was hoping maybe she'd feed me a bit, but she was just a tease. The Doctor was cute too, so I was checking them both out when the nurse grabbed my junk and started swabbing me with antiseptic. WOW….it kinda felt good and for some reason my pee pee got all stiff…that was REALLY weird. I have NO IDEA what that's about but before I could give it much thought, the nurse and doctor closed in on me holding some crazy looking medical instruments that I was NOT really prepared to see. SO…I did the only thing I could…I peed all over both of them! They both jumped back about 47 feet and I saw Daddy laughing over in the corner of the room.

We all went home the next day and it was cool to get my first ride in a car. My car seat is so cool…I look good in it!
Here at home, it's fun to wake Mom and Dad up every few hours. OMG…you should see their faces… all puffy and sleepy and tired. When Dad gets up to go in the studio, his hair is all screwed up and his eyes are all swollen. lol They try to take turns watching, feeding, and changing me, so I try to keep the surprises coming! It's a hoot.
I hear them making all sorts of plans for how they are going to dress me on Halloween and so far, it seems a Charlie Chaplin outfit is the winner. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I was thinking more "punk baby" but whatever.

In other matters… can I tell you how much I hate "onesies"!!! Who the heck came up with THAT idea needs therapy. I was born NAKED, people, why put me in some scratchy (even though YOU think it's soft) outfit that you RUDELY pull over my head. I don't get it. On the other hand, I must say, I LOVE being swaddled. WOW…when Mom wraps me up real tight, it rocks. I feel all safe and snug. Cool way to sleep if you haven't tried it for a while.

Here's something else weird I've found since I've been born…. pooping and peeing! WTF!!! I'm still not sure if it hurts or feels good. Dad says he understands, so, at his age, I guess he does. Wow…how do adults put up with this…shit! I guess I'll get used to it but, wow, how inconvenient!
On the other hand,I gotta say I DO love a good burp. Mom and Dad are pretty proud of my abilities there because I always hear them say,"Wow…good boy!" My older sister stopped by today and I was REALLY impressed with her abilities. She's a hundred times louder and longer than me but oddly, Dad just kinda shakes his head at her. I don't get it. I'd high fiver her if I could.

I had my first "close call" a couple days ago, too!! I was taking a very nice nap in my basinet swing when I looked down and saw a black widow spider! Wow! I'd never seen one of those and they are REALLY scary looking. I'm still trying to figure out how to work these crazy arms and legs and hands and feet things, so I couldn't figure out what to do. I thought maybe I'd roll over on it and kill it, but I can't even figure out how to roll over yet and besides, I wasn't so sure if that might just piss the spider off and he'd bite my ass. SO…the only thing I could think to do was piss on him…so I did. BIG TIME. I soaked the entire diaper, blanket, and everything. I looked down and the spider was staggering around and sort of dragging a few legs! ha ha I fucked him up.
Dad came to check on me and change my diaper and when he saw the black widow he was pretty shocked. The swing was a gift from a friend and I guess it had been in storage for a while, so somehow it got into my swing. Dad rescued me and told Mommy to come check out what was in the swing. Mom's face went very pale!!
I never saw the spider again but from the look on Dad's face, I don't think it went well for the spider. Dad and Squicken team - ONE, Black widow spider team - ZERO!! High five Dad.

Otherwise things are going well. I've been figuring out the difference between farts and poop…yet another oddity of life outside the womb.
Last night about 3:30AM, I took a nice dump because it looked like Mom n Dad were trying to sleep. They wiped the sleep from their eyes and gathered all the tools of the trade to help me out. They were changing me and just as Mom was closing up my diaper, I heard Dad say,"Is that SHIT on his forehead!!??"
Mom didn't have her contacts in, so she leaned WAAAAYYY up in my face and then they both died laughing for at least 10 minutes. Well now hell, I don't know how it got there but I heard them say it looked kinda like a shit bindi, then they fell apart laughing again. When I learn to read, I'm gonna have to look that up to see what a bindi is but, no matter, I didn't find it all that amusing. Whatever, Mom n Dad.

Whew…all this writing has made me hungry, so I think I'll see what Mommy is doing. Maybe I'll write more later. Dad said he's  gonna go have a "Heineken", whatever that is…probably not as good as booby milk.
  • Listening to: the hum of the G5
  • Drinking: Heineken
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:iconpgpapas:
pgpapas Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
ha! :D
And a literary star is born...
Congratulations, Michael!
Reply
:iconstriker0:
striker0 Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2012
Very nice.
Reply
:iconstorybookimaging:
StoryBookImaging Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2012  Professional Photographer
Welcome to the world! Give your mom and dad a run for their money! I know all 5 of my little ones did for me!!!!
Reply
:iconpelicanh:
Pelicanh Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Professional Photographer
HOLY COW!!! 5!!!
I don't know how you FEED 5!! lol
Good luck and congrats!!
Reply
:iconstorybookimaging:
StoryBookImaging Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2012  Professional Photographer
The ages are 13, 10, 9, and two about to turn eight! I was taught at a early age how to shop being money smart! I am good at stretching that dollar!
Reply
:iconbulloney:
bulloney Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012
Awesome. :lol:

Congrats on mom and the little one being healthy and well!
Reply
:iconkazulistico:
kazulistico Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Some ideas:
[link]
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:iconphphotography:
phphotography Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2012  Professional Photographer
Welcome to fatherhood and congratulations!
Reply
:iconmaxwellsdemon:
MaxwellsDemon Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012
Yep...yep.

"Also...what's up with having to wake up all the time?! I'm tired from all of that hard work trying to get out...should have stayed in!"
Reply
:iconpelicanh:
Pelicanh Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2012  Professional Photographer
lol
Reply
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