'Tis the Season......
Journal Entry:
Fri Dec 21, 2007, 5:53 PM
'Tis the Season......for Forgiveness
I think the best way to describe it is it was like electricity. Perhaps what I imagine it might feel like to have the paddles applied to you in the hospital emergency room when the doctors are attempting to resuscitate a heart that has stopped beating. Donna said, "Yes" when I asked her if there was someone else in her life. She could have said, "Clear" and hit me with the paddles....it would have felt the same. My wife, my soul mate, my first and only lover had someone else.
I was on lying on my right side with my back to her. I still remember the bed we were lying on. It was small....we were broke and living in a tiny studio apartment in Ohio. That was 30 years ago.
Elizabeth was one of the most lovely, sweet, charming women I have ever met. We instantly fell in love with each other....best buddies. I worked in a hospital in North Carolina where she was a nurse and we often ate lunch together and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. We decided that her fiance Phil, my wife Donna, and the two of us should go to dinner some time. SO we all became very good friends and spent many days and evenings together. We went water skiing, swimming, and just generally hung out like four peas in a pod. We were best friends.
Donna and I began having some issues in our marriage so we moved to Ohio and I went back to school for reasons that make no sense to me now as I look back.
Our problems grew, Donna became more and more unhappy. So THAT'S when I asked the fateful question.
I told her I would move us back to North Carolina where we had been the happiest and that we could try to pick up the pieces and make our marriage work. She agreed and away we went.
Little did I know that I had moved us back to the town where Donna's lover lived. How convenient for them.
What happened next, how it all unfolded, discovering it was my best friend Phil who had betrayed us (why is it I am ALWAYS the last to know? LOL), our breakup, our divorce, our futile attempt at reconciliation.....ALL of that is unimportant.
What is IMPORTANT is what I have in my heart....NOW.
I am not and never have been a jealous person. And as a side note, let me just say, NOTHING...NOTHING...I MEAN NOTHING good EVER comes from jealousy. It is ALWAYS destructive.
At any rate...here's the deal....
I remember Donna, even from the moment we separated for the last time, as one of the loves of my life. I have spoken of her in my journals here before. I will always remember her tenderly. The way she loved to feel mud squishing between her toes. How she loved daffodils. How she tried (unsuccessfully) to sing around the house. How she touched her hair. The way she picked up a flower. And the tender way she touched me.
I miss her. I will always miss her.
SO....in this season...let us all celebrate what we have had, what we have now, and all the wonderful things we are going to have. The loves, the losses, the joys, the challenges....life is so rich in experience.
Forgive the wrongs, the betrayals, the disappointments... and live and love in the joys of remembering what was good about those times. Where there is shit, there are ponies! : ) There are many things that are very difficult for me right now....but I KNOW I have SO MUCH LOVE in my life.
Don't spend time lamenting what has happened, what IS happening or IS NOT happening now, or what MIGHT happen in the future. Spend time being grateful....forgiving of others AND ourselves.
Find what is good, what makes us happy, look at how rich we ALL are.
Where ever you are, Donna, I hope you remember how good it was. I do.
I gotta go have a Heineken.
- Listening to: the hum of the G5
- Drinking: Heineken
Devious Comments
And you're right about the jealousy. I just wish more people understood that. :/
Happy Holidays! Hope the beer's a good one.
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That seems to be acceptable these days. Tell them your buttwings faltered and flew you into a brick wall. That may not be so plausible, though. I think Corn Grandma would get her hands on you before long.
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michaltokarczuk.com
But I definitely have a great amount to be thankful for. I've got some wonderful friends in my life right now, and I'm able to see them for the holidays. I'm progressing in one of my hobbies, and as much hard work as it is, it's entirely possible to progress. I've always enjoyed your journals and they're a great pleasure to read. Thanks for posting them.
I suggest that if you can find a model that knows how to spin fire, you should get them to do a shoot with you, outdoors, of course. I think you'd love the absolute atmosphere of it if you haven't done such a shoot already. Happy travels.
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"People alter their lives by altering their attitudes."
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For once you have tasted flight, you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.
Leonardo DaVinci
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For once you have tasted flight, you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.
Leonardo DaVinci
[link]
[link]
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Yep - good beer!!!
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For once you have tasted flight, you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.
Leonardo DaVinci
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If only people realized how serious an issue it is and not just brush it off as justifiable.
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That seems to be acceptable these days. Tell them your buttwings faltered and flew you into a brick wall. That may not be so plausible, though. I think Corn Grandma would get her hands on you before long.
Merry Merry Christmas to you
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St. Francis said,
“A man who uses his hands is a laborer. One who uses his hands and mind is a craftsman. He who uses his hands, and his mind, and his heart is an artist.”
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For once you have tasted flight, you will always walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.
Leonardo DaVinci
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